"Gargoyles"

From: Raj at Charlotte - 1992

QUESTION: I work as a therapist, and Iíve talked to you once before about this, and I feel like Iíve been greatly influenced in my work by my understanding about the nature of Reality and healing and the Course In Miracles and my own guides and that has come into my work in such a way thatís been very, until lets say a year ago, extremely gratifying and rewarding. I would look forward to these sessions and I felt honored by the people who were just sent to talk to me. And I felt gratified by the results that I saw people getting and generally still do.

And yet, in the last year, Iíve had first one, then two, then three and then four people come backóhaving left me and seen other therapistsówho now claim I have damaged them in some wayóI have hurt them, I was unprofessional, unethicalósomething that I did was "too involved." The major criticism is that I was, in a sense, not keeping the boundaries of a therapistótoo much interested in them as people. When I look back over it, I knew all the time I was doing it, that I wasnít doing it perfect and I was making mistakes, but I had this beliefóand it seems naive now, even though I want to still believe itóthat I can make mistakes and Iím hoping the Holy Spirit will kind of clean up after me.

Iím learning as Iím going, but looking back, its like "that wasnít so cool" and I thought I was listening to guidance, when maybe I was just listening to my co-dependent ego, I donít know. And maybe its a manifestation of my own fears, like the gargoyles that Iíve energized or something, but its scaring me to death.

The miracle for me is that I do have plenty of times that Iím still very present with clients and present to my family and in the experience of love and knowing that nothing is wrong and that Iím interested and curious to see how this scenario is going to work out. The thing that I donít understand is, there are a lot of decisions I have to make now about how much to let lawyers say, how much contrition I have to say before the Board and stuff like this.

This has gotten to be what to the ego would seem very serious. Its almost like, when Iím in the experience of love and perfection, I donít worry about any of this stuff. Iím in the present. I play with my kids. I have a great time. Iím very happy with the work that I continue to do, but Iím very uncomfortable with the place Iím in now, because Iím not quite there to be fully trusting, moment to moment. Iím very happy here, and for the most part, if people say how are you doing I say "no complaints."

But if I go home and thereís a subpoena at the door, some sheriff is going to say I have to account for this or something else, I canít even stop the visceral reaction, Iím sick for hours. I snap out of it, but Iím sick again. And its just shaken me, in such a way that, while intellectually I know Iím fine, my moment to moment experience just depends on where you catch me, I guess, at a certain period of time. Iím still so grateful for my therapy, because it seems to be the only time I can get out of the way and just be present to my clients and whatís going on in their lives. And Iím willing to admit that, okay, Iíve made mistakes, maybe I shouldnít have told people that I loved them, but I was experiencing that and I thought that was therapeutic at the time and maybe it wasnít, maybe it confused them, I donít know.

But I want to be in a place where I know this Truth more deeply, so I really can play this thing out, and have my peace of mind along the way, as opposed to "Yeah, well, it almost killed me, but thank God itís over." So Iíd like some help with that and Iíd also like to know, this has been going on for years, nowóa year and a halfóand it hasnít even gotten to trial, hasnít even gotten to review, but its coming down to that. The part of me thatís scared doesnít feel like, I may forgo my intelligence because of my fears or play into what other egos say I did wrong or something like that. You got the picture. Thanks.

ANSWER: Indeed, the key is your willingness to commit to following through. Following through with your choice to be the presence of love, to be present with your clients, to answer to the Voice within. The reason you feel good when you are working with your clients is because you have, at that time, made a commitment to be centered, to come from your center, to reach them through your center. And you are being congruent with your Self.

Now, this situation is identical to the situation all of you are in, because all of you in one way or another have this same scenario to deal with.

Now, specifically you are in a process of being weaned from "the system,"--the status quo--the way in which everybody has agreed to function whether itís intelligent or not. Your greatest fear comes from the suggestion that you will be excommunicated from the system. And that would be the greatest blessing that could ever occur to you. All of you are faced with the opportunity to discover that if you are excommunicated from the system--whatever your system is, whatever system you identify with--that if you are excommunicated from it or you abandon it, that you will not find any integrity right where you are, because each of your systems are part of what you use to identify your integrity. You use the system to prove to yourself that you have integrity, because everybody agrees with you in your particular group or system. And because you have used it to substantiate a sense of integrity, you are afraid that without it you will find that you have none. This is a difficult shift to make, because of that very suggestion. But if you will dare to make it, you will find that your integrity is intact, because it never had anything to do with anybody elseís opinion or judgment about you.

You are not free when you are dependent upon everybody else or the system to verify for you that you have integrity. You are a prisoner of the system. You do not have a direct experience of integrity. And so you have this illusion of having integrity, which there is such mutual agreement about that it feels as though itís real.

You have a Board. And the mutual agreement is that you must answer to that Board. And that Board can render a decision that can ruin your life. Someone else has a mother fulfilling that role, or a father, or a wife, or a husband. The real necessity here is for you to examine whether you want to continue to work within the system or whether you want to dare to risk the chance that you will find that you have integrity that others will recognize and feel, who also are not interested in working within the system. Not because they are rebels, but because the system isnít meeting the need and isnít addressing the real issues of humanity, of humaneness, of genuineness and realness.

Each one of you who makes a commitment to your Knowing will find indeed that movement will occur in your life and that movement will begin to render clear to you what is of value and what isnít. And at times this poses a problem because you will become aware of some things that have no value, that have had prime value for you before you started listening. And those things of prime value will almost always bear directly on your sense of your own integrity.

And so, it will feel to you as though abandoning those "valuable" things will constitute an abandoning of your integrity. And that is where the ego hooks you and slows you down. And this is when Listening is even more imperative. This is when companioning consciously with your inner guidance is imperative.

The only thing is, that at those points when there is fear present there is not the impetus, the motivation to listen, because it seems more imperative to feel the fear. As though feeling the fear is the way in which you will protect yourself. It is the way in which you will remain alert to the threat. It isnít the threat you need to be alert to. Itís the solution to the threat that you need to be alert to. But that isnít what you are feeling when the ego is suggesting to you that connecting with your peace will promote chaos, because you are not paying attention to the enemy. Well, thatís darn right! Youíre not paying attention to the enemy and the enemy is the ego, who is whispering in your ear, suggesting to you that you must remain "on defense."

You are going through redemption, and that which is not of value is falling away. But because it is what you thought was of value and what was essential you are trying to put it back on and save a little bit of it, enough to continue to have the respect of those who are so ignorant that they do not want you to be the Christ, because it upsets the status quo, it upsets the system.

Then I will tell you ultimately, because it heals, you are in the middle of transformation. Donít be afraid of it. And do listen and do pay attention to the obvious fact that when you are listening you are not in a state of fear and you are also not unconscious. You are not in a state of fear and you are able to be clear and responsive to your world. But not on the terms of the system that you are outgrowing--the shell or security that no longer serves you.

Now, I cannot tell you to make the commitment, no one can. You and I know that you have made the commitment and that you are going to follow through come hell or high water. I cannot guarantee you that it will be smooth. But I will tell you this, if you will dare to listen as you have been, and if you will dare to commit to listening, it will be smoother and smoother and smoother. And as you begin to realize that aspects of the system that supported you now stand in the way of your continued growth and your developing congruence with your Being, you will feel the congruence, you will feel the peace, you will feel the strength, you will feel the integrity that was there before any Board ever gave you status. And that will constitute freedom to be genuine, freedom to truly be of value.

I understand fully that you feel the right to whine. And itís okay, but donít become a professional whiner.

QUESTION: Raj, the way things are going right now, when there was only one person or two people, I was able to say "Theyíre being ridiculous." But with as many people as are now saying, "this wasnít right, you shouldnít have done this," my advice has been from my supervisor and my lawyer, "look, lets try to make a deal. Go to the board, tell them youíll rehabilitate yourself and youíll be a good boy from now on and youíll take courses and somehow not step across those boundaries and stay within the ethical guidelines of your profession." And thatís kind of like where its going. Trying to cut the loses on some level.

I remember once I talked with you and you said, "Look, if they take your license away, thatís one thing, but donít give it to them, you donít have to flip it on the desk or something." But from what youíre telling me, its almost like, I think the only thing thatís stopping me is the fear that I will not beóIím embarrassed to admit this, but itís trueóprovided for in the same sense that Iím provided for now, in my standard of living, being a licensed psychologist. If I really knew that I would be taken care of and that I wouldnít have to walk around with the onus of being a "defrocked" psychologist and have my mind beating me to death with that, Iíd do it. Because I still believe in what I was doing with these people, including the mistakes I made as part of what my growth and their growth was all about.

ANSWER: So, how much does it take, or how little does it take for you to sell your soul for security? What you must understand is that this is your ego talking right now and not you. Because you Know what you are going to do at the bottom line and it is not consistent with what just came out of your mouth. And so, there is whining going on here, a rehearsal of drama if you will. It's all right, but it really doesnít express You.

QUESTION: You mean itís the ego that wants to make a deal?

ANSWER: It is the ego that wants to make a problem out of deal-making, or out of any of this process. Now, do whatever seems appropriate under the circumstances. I mean by that, make a deal, but donít believe the deal youíre making! "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesarís and render unto God the things that are God. Speak to be heard of men, think to be heard of God."

As I did say, donít give your license away. There is no requirement for you to admit disobedience or fault when you know there was none. Iím going to modify that slightly, there is no need to admit fault and believe it, although it may be necessary to say it to satisfy the system. And allow your most graceful exit from any further domination by the system.

And to make this perfectly relevant to everyone, the ego frame of reference is also a system that all of you who are in a process of consciously awakening, are abandoning. And the system and your valuing of it will seem to throw road blocks up in your way. And you can either whine and complain about them or you can see their presence as an opportunity to see them for the valueless thing they are and withdraw your investment of energy and trust in them.

A special relationship is a mutual agreement of two or more in a belief or idea that never had its origin in the Mind of God. And it is indeed addictive and freeing yourself from the addiction is not always comfortable, because it feels as though it is the death of you or the death of everything meaningful. But until the drug is abandoned you donít have the opportunity to know what being clear means as an experience.

Awakening, waking up, spiritual transformation that is Real spiritual transformation is indeed a withdrawal from an addiction, an addiction to an investment of belief in mutually agreed upon fantasy. And because all of you have arrived at a sense of yourself from these mutual agreements, it feels like you are sacrificing your identity, when in fact your are regaining it.

What you are going to do, what you have been insisting upon doing seems absolutely idiotic to your ego, to your conditioned thinking. But there is a part of you that knows the Truth and insists upon being the presence of love without paraphernalia--without the paraphernalia of a system. Itís the system that NEEDS to be penetrated by Reality and it is loveóthe willingness to recognize that which is Real in each and every thingówhich does the penetrating. And it will upset the system. Part of the unevenness of the movement of transformation that you are experiencing is caused by wavering on your partóvacillating.

Once you arrive at your peace about it, you will find the unevenness coming at you from your world also evening out. That is why I suggested that you not get hung up on whining. Donít become a professional whiner. Make a commitment to your peace. To the degree that you squelch or do not energize the tendency to whine, you are learning and you are having the experience of transformation. And it is not essential for it to be strenuous. But if it is indeed you must say, "I am glad the transformation is happening. At least Iím not stuck in a false sense of security in which my integrity hasnít even been clear to me, the integrity of me that exists regardless of any mutual agreement with others."

Everybody wants to wake up. Everybody really does want to be clear, but not if they have to change! Embrace the transformation that necessarily follows a commitment to your Divinity. Because it is "a process" of becoming free of addiction to that which perverts your perception of the Kingdom of Heaven, causing it to look like something other than it is. And the key element, the key element that causes the distortion is the thoughtless, mutual agreement with a brother upon a definition of what a thing is, without being connected to the Father to see what itís meaning Really Is.

Now, I do not mean to be getting heavy here, but one must understand the realities of awakening and not cringe when a situation arises that requires that you listen even more deeply, so that you might access the fuller and fuller True meaning of everything. If the desire is there, it is not coming from your ego, even if your desire seems to be overwhelmed by ego dynamicsóthe gargoyles I mentioned. That part of you that desires to Be Love, in spite of your conditioning, will be met by the Holy Spirit, by your guide, with full support and encouragement if you will listen instead of spontaneously moving into a state of reaction to the gargoyles.

Someone who is on withdrawal from drugs sees not only harmless pink elephants, but demons. And what is the immediate response? "Give me another fix." Because that one knows that the fix will get rid of the demon. But the fix will leave the individual unconsciousónot in his Right Mind. And so the commitment to Sanity, the commitment to clarity must dare to go beyond the demons, the gargoyles, the fears that are unique to you, which the ego shamelessly thrusts in your way to scare you out of your commitment.

Now, I know that this sounds like a war and what will keep you clear so that you do not become overwhelmed, is the fact that the ego is an impostor. As I have said before, it is a bastard. What I mean by that is that it has no source. It has no point of origin. It is itself an imagined presence and therefore it can only seem to function as that which suggests catastrophe.

You cannot have a war without two presenceís. And that which can only suggest, is powerless. You see what happens is, that that of you which is Divine--which cannot be gotten rid of, but the full meaning of which you cannot comprehend at the moment because you are utilizing a limited frame of reference to understand everything--that of you which is Divine is power. And the ego makes a suggestion and you with the full vitality of what you Divinely are, energize!--you provide the energy. And YOU seem to give the illusion all the substance it has. You give the suggestion all the reality it ever seems to have. And even when you do that, it still doesnít have reality, but you are hypnotized by virtue of your agreement with the suggestion, and you do not seem to have any other choice available but to believe the thing that you have energized. But the illusion was never anything other than a distorted perception of Reality. So it was still Reality, being Reality. Reality, the presence of God, wasnít altered only your perception of it.

Many of you have been drunk enough at times to misinterpret a bush or a tree or something else and you know that you literally "saw" something other than the tree. You would say it was an actual experience and you could describe to somebody else the other thing you saw. Thatís all there is to a misperception of Reality. A false interpretation experienced as though it were actual and validated by you.

Now the system that you are in a process of disengaging fromóand that is the factóthat you know but you are only letting into your experience ever so slowly, this emancipation from the system is the movement and action of your Divinity transforming your humanity, causing your humanity to become more genuine, with less mutual agreement to believe illusions are real.

All of you: donít be afraid of transformation. And realize that indeed when you give permission for your fulfillment as the Divine one that you are to manifest, there is going to be movement and change that will need to be consciously and conscientiously embraced. And know that in many instances the ego will be hard at work throwing up demons, as in a fun-house ride to give you a thrill and a scare, to stop you in your tracks. But remember that the demon it throws up is a suggestion of a demon, no different from a hypnotist saying, "You have an apple stuck to your nose that you cannot get off."

And so, there is no war, even though it may feel like it. And if you will let the ego do its little dance and throw up whatever it wishes to try to entice you back into ignorance and unconsciousness, let it do it. But keep your focus on your desire to be conscious as the fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being, which is a way of describing Godís view of everything. If you will persist in that and not energize the egoís dance, you will find the illusion of chaos, of impending doom yielding to an unfolding clarification of your integrity and the joy of functioning meaningfully without a system to back you up, a system constituted of mutual agreements. And remember, we are talking about a joyful thing here.

_______________________________

From: Raj at Melborne, Australia - 1993

QUESTION: This question which I am asking was asked by my friend. And the question is: Why are we experiencing this illusion if we are all perfect in the Movement of God?

ANSWER: Why do you ride a roller-coaster?

QUESTION: I donít.

ANSWER: You must understand that just as you can look around you and view everything within your range of vision and you can get a microscope and home in on a very minute aspect of all that your vision normally takes inóin which you experience a limitation because of such a high degree of focusóyou are, divinely speaking, able to experience Reality from many levels (which you are most familiar with through the use of the word dimensionsófirst, second, third, fourth). It is not a disobedience to do this.

So, as I have said before, what has been called the fall of man was not an act of disobedience for which you have believed you were punishable, it is rather an option that you have available to you. The problem is that when you choose to look at the Kingdom of Heaven through only the first three-dimensionsówhich I have referred to as the third-dimensional frame of referenceóthe experience of limitation is necessarily one of losing your experience of your infiniteness.

This experience does not feel natural. Its unnaturalness is not a penalty that you are experiencing, but rather just the reminder that this is not your home-base perceptionóyour home-base experience. It is this uncomfortableness, this unnaturalness which has become the trigger of fear, which your now tiny sense of self takes as a call for defense.

And thus what happens is, you can become entrapped in a pattern of behavior of self-protection that causes you to forever stay at a distance from your threshold of Awakeningóor in other words, coming back into the infinite view that it is your Birthright to be experiencing.

Most of you in this room have been caught in what I will call an eddy, like an eddy in a riveróa little circular, repetitive movement of waterówhich if a leaf gets caught in, will stay for sometime until it becomes dislodged and is once again caught up in the current of forward movement of the river.

We began talking yesterday about innocence, and about the fact that most everyone to one degree or another feels like a fugitiveóand always a fugitive is a fugitive from justice. And through the use of thinking one builds an insulation between oneís selfóa distance between oneís selfóand this justice, which one believes will indict one as being guilty. And so one stays away from the Justice, which because it is Justice with a capital "J", will demonstrate to you the verdict of innocent.

Likewise, in shifting from your Birthright of the infinite view to a limited perception of the Kingdom of Heaven, you move into an experience of limitation, which feels uncomfortable and which your now tiny sense of self interprets to be danger, rather than your innate Sanity telling you that this is not home-base for you. And that is when the defense, the insulation, is developed. And as long as that insulation is maintained you will remain caught in the limited perception.

Again, it is very important for you to understand that the choice to view the Kingdom of Heaven from within the three-dimensional frame of reference is no different from you choosing to look at the three-dimensional frame of reference, but narrowing yourself down to a microscopic view. Therefore, no judgment is made upon you and you are not guilty of anything that you must make up for.

Now, the very fact that each of you has divine guidance available to you is because there are those of us who have not chosen to view the Kingdom of Heaven from within the three-dimensional frame of reference only. And we see that you are distracted from your Wholeness, you are distracted from the infinite view (what I referred to yesterday as Godís point of view) that it is your Birthright to be experiencing.

And so we are able to step into that point where you are paying attention in order to help encourage you to invalidate the fear, to invalidate the sense of guilt, to help re-instill in you your innocence (that has not gone anywhere and which, very deeply, you have not forgotten) so that you might begin to reinterpret your discomfort not as a sign of danger but as an evidence of your ever present capital "S" Sanity that knows that the limitation you are experiencing is not your Birthright, is not valid for you. And so, as to help you get the courage to abandon your flight, to abandon the identification as a fugitive, and in the absence of fear be able to slip back into your Sanity.

I will tell you that the ego is not your friend. The ego is that sense of yourself that you have developed based upon the unusual and in some ways exciting experience of being and feeling tiny. The egoóin other words, this sense of yourself that you have developed, sometimes with great pride because of the skill and excellence with which you are able to express this egohoodóis itself a misunderstanding of who you Are, it is itself flawed. And every apparent perception that it has is a hundred and eighty degrees out of sync with Reality, therefore it is always lying. In other words, it is giving you information that is exactly the opposite of the truth.

This is why it is very difficult to wake up without help, because the perspective that your conditioning provides you is one that is ultimately scary. In fact, the moment any of you actively begins to pursue your enlightenment, because something in you has illuminated to you the fact that there is enlightenment to be experienced, your ego immediately begins to speak up and pose threatening thoughts of danger. And I will tell you that the closer you get to the threshold of your Awakening, the more gargoyles there will be placed around the door to the Kingdom of Heaven by the ego.

It truly is very much like the maps in Columbusí time, where the belief was that there was an edge to the planet that one could fall off. And to keep people from venturing to that point of danger, they always characterized the edge as the habitat of dragonsógargoyles, in so many words.

Now, the real call here is for all of you to abandon the sense of guilt, the sense of vulnerability, the sense of tininessówhich is the exact opposite of the truth about youóand like Columbus, dare to move beyond what everyone perceives to be the edge, beyond which there is nothing. And you accomplish this by bringing curiosity into play. An explorer embodies curiosityóa willingness to abandon the conditionings that say thus far and no farther.

We could put this another way using the illustration of the microscope: If you have become very familiar with everything as you see it in the larger view with your eyes, and then you begin to view a drop of water from a pond or a small piece of tissue or something else, and you discover fascinating things going on, you could become quite engrossed. And your mother or your wife might have to say, "Dinner is ready, come on, come on." "Just a minute, just a minute, this is fascinating, you wouldnít believe what Iím seeing here." "Come on, dinner is ready." And they have to tear you away from your engrossment with all of this fascinating new view.

Now, I am purposely sharing these images with you so that you might understand that your current dilemma of experiencing a limited viewówhich is uncomfortable at timesóis not because of an act of disobedience on your part, which means that punishment will be coming when youíre finally caught. And you are also not lost. You are not lost Souls.

You are like the individual engrossed with his view in the microscope, who by virtue of his engrossment has abandoned common sense and doesnít care about eating dinner. But dinner hasnít gone anywhere, and the room in the house that the microscope is in is still there, and his family is still there, and life is hustling and bustling all around him even though it is not part of what he is giving his attention to. That is the key. And I said yesterday in answer to one of the questions: If you want to experience more Meaning, then you must pay attention.

You are not caught in a limited perception because you did something wrong and God is punishing you. You do not have a sentence that you must fulfill before you can be released. You simply have to arrive at a point where you realize that the whole thing doesnít represent Reality; that you are experiencing it as a matter of conscious choice. And it was a choice for something that was perfectly all right, except that it happened to be so engrossing that you have forgotten to come Home to dinner.

In this way, you will not be hesitant to come Home for fear of punishment and you will not justify remaining further in a limited perception of things. And also, any fascination you have with any aspect of this illusion or limited perception of the Kingdom of Heaven, will become less engrossing. Because knowing what I have said allows you to remember that there is something else besides this.

As the Course says, there is another way to look at this. And this is the Kingdom of Heaven; there is another way to look at all of this. And once you remember that, it will become easier to develop a little bit of curiosity, and curiosity is like grease on the skids.

Someone who is superstitious could say that a microscope is one of the toys in the devilís workshop because it distracts you from Reality. Someone else could say that, having chosen to look at the Kingdom of Heaven from within the three-dimensional only frame of reference (because that is a distraction from the Kingdom of Heaven, it is the evidence) it is one of the tools of the devil.

But I want to cut through this superstition of duality. There is only God and His infinite Self-expression, and nothing else. And the only way in which duality or conflict of opposing forces, the only way those thoughts or concepts could come into play is once you have adopted the three-dimensional only frame of reference in which you lose your true sense of yourself. And instead of being that Conscious Awareness in which everything is going on, you are a little tiny point of awareness in the middle of it all.

And in that reversed experience it becomes possible to conceive of danger and therefore some opposing force. And thenóhereís the hookeróthis opposing force is something for you to overcome. And because something in you tells you that you are divine, because it cannot be utterly wiped from your memory by your preoccupation, you say, "I can beat this sucker." And the contest is on. And the more you become engrossed in it the further from your mind going Home becomes. Mind you, none of this changes Reality in any way.

You have heard the phrase, I know a woman who is a computer widow, meaning that she has lost her husband to a computerócanít tear him away for dinner, canít get him to go out with the family and so-on, because it is so engrossing. That is all the more serious "the fall" was or is. It was not an act against God.

You see, the Course speaks of level confusion, and I am addressing level confusion here today. When a shift from being in your Right Mind occursówhen you abandon Godís point of view for what we will call a partial experience of what God is Beingóand you begin to experience polarities, fear, the call for defense and so-on, and this seems very real to you, you make the assumption that these dualistic or polarized characteristics that you are now experiencing must also necessarily be characteristic of God.

And that is how the concept of a wrathful God developed. It was a projection of the confusion experienced by those caught in the three-dimensional only frame of reference. And who is going to want to unite with a wrathful God?

So you see how the limited perception reinforces itself and imprisons you. This is why it is so essential for all of you to be willing to at least consider that who you think you are at the moment is not who you Are, but is nothing more than a collection of definitions and characteristics that you have slowly put together and said, "This is me."

As a child you practiced walking, either like a lady or like a man. And you got the hang of certain characteristics that you liked and you incorporated them. Today they are just a part of you, and you say "Itís me. Thatís part of the package I am. Thatís the way I always have been. I came into this life this way." But you didnít. You saw characteristics and behaviors that you liked and you slowly incorporated them and you developed a character.

Itís the ego. And itís not you; itís a collection of characteristics, either physical characteristics of behavior or mental characteristics. You are that which observed and said, "Iíll take a little bit of swagger, and Iíll take a little bit of gentleness, but not too much. Iíll take a lot of understanding, but Iíll also take a lot of arrogance so that there will be a balance and I wonít be a wimp," and so-on. That which was observing is who you Are; not the collection of things that were appropriated for your use as defense against the hostile world that you thought you found yourself in.

Now, I am not going to ask any of you, because you canít do it and you wouldnít do it, but I am not going to ask any one of you to totally invalidate yourself and say, "Thereís nothing here except illusion. Who I think I am is nothing but illusion." That wonít help you a bit. You must start right where you are, as exactly who you think you are, exactly who you think you are at the moment. And because there is already a curiosity present in you (or you wouldnít be on a spiritual path, or you would not be searching for something more) because thatís there, be willing to look at yourself or anything else and say, "What I see does not mean what I think it means."

For those of you who are students of A Course In Miracles, the very first lesson in the workbook says, "Nothing that I see means anything." And this is a "wow-er" of a first lesson in a book that youíre not even sure you believe. It is meant to jolt you out of your rut, out of your confidence that you understand everything, and that there is nothing more than what you are experiencing. Why? In order to bring into play curiosity so that you donít just complacently out of habit assume that everything is what youíve been told it is, or that everything is what you assumed it was.

If I say that right there where each one of you sits is the direct expression of God, the fully illuminated and illuminating Christ Presence, and you conceive that what I am saying might be true, that indeed my perspective about you is more accurate than your present perspective about yourself, well the fact is you may go through some ego reactions of revulsion or denial or whatever. But there is a part of you that will become curious. And you will not off-handedly say, "What you see is what you get. What I see of me is all there is of me."

And you will become curious: "If I am divine, then there must be some natural inherent characteristics of my divinity that I donít have to demonstrate or create. And I am going to be open to any potential glimmers or beginning experiences of that divinity that will help give me courage to dare to sayóeven with little confidenceóthat I am indeed fully divine even though I canít conceive of it totally."

You see, it begins to open the door. But you wonít open the door if you believe the sense of guilt that you feel in the pit of your stomach that seems to prove to you that the pursuit of your experience of your divinity will be detrimental to your health. That, in other words, it will lead you to the guillotine; it will lead you to the ax; to the judgment guilty that has come from God and there will be no way for you to escape.

Thatís what you are afraid of and what the ego is afraid is ahead of it. And it tells you that it is your neck that is on the line. And so it is safer not to risk the chance that you may be innocent in face of the likelihood that you will be proven guilty forever. Thatís the way the ego keeps you. Thatís the way your conditioned thinking holds you in an illegitimate bondage.

I cannot overstate the value of meditation, because meditation side-steps thinking, which is the way the ego functions. And it allows you to come into the silence within yourself in which you have an unusually wonderful opportunity to have a direct experience of who you divinely Are.

And the first experience of that divinity is what you call peace, centerednessóa peace with an exquisite equilibrium to it. You think that itís just a physical relaxation, but it isnít. It truly is that you shift away from body identification. The peace that you experience is the direct experience of the peace of your Being. It is the way that you begin coming back Home. It is the way you begin to undo your preoccupation with the computer, or your preoccupation with the fascinating (but highly limited) view through the microscope. It is the way you disengage from your addiction to overcoming the opponent.

As crazy as this sounds to some of you, the choice to view Reality, the choice to view the Kingdom of Heaven from within the first three-dimensions only is not a disobedience, it is not punishable. Those who are Awake think nothing of it, because it is not a wrongness.

The only thing is, is that we know the potential for becoming side-tracked from coming back to your true vantage point is high. And if you become too engrossed, we will have to shake your shoulder or somehow get your attention and literally entice you into turning away from that which engrosses you so that you may voluntarily bring your attention back to what is Real, or to that which is viewed from a proper perspectiveóthe Real perspective.

I will tell you that the likelihood is, once you have decided for your Wholeness and for the experience of who you truly Are, that the great likelihood is that you will never ever again choose to view the Kingdom of Heaven from the first three-dimensions only. But that will be a conscious, rational choice, not with any sense of guilt, but just with a sense that if youíve had too much chocolate, youíve had too much chocolate. If youíve had too much of anything, youíve had too much of it and that will do you for eternity. But it wonít be with remorse.

What will come into play as a matter of great perspective (you could almost say, what will come into play that is saddening, except it wonít be saddening) is just a feeling of wisdom. You will realize that it is too bad that you felt so bad about what you were doing while you were doing it, because there was no reason for the feeling of guilt and of self-depreciation. There was no reason for you to interpret the tininess, which is inherent in that point of view, as a flaw or a fault within yourself and something you had to strive for to overcome and to deserve to come back Home.

At the same time you will see that it all didnít even happen; it didnít happen as you were perceiving it. It all happened as it divinely occurred. Because you must remember that if you are just looking at the first, second and third of the fourth-dimension, which is all inclusive, it is what is going on in the fourth-dimension that is being observed from the limited perception.

And you will see that your interpretations of who you are and what part you played in everything, wasnít the way it was at all. And you will have the remembrance of what has been infinitely, divinely happening. And so, you will simply, really understand the nature of limited perception. You will see that it doesnít constitute the real vantage point. And you will see that only under the most unusual circumstances would there be any value for you to do it again. That will just be perspective, without any charge to itóany emotional charge.

I am glad you asked the question. I knew that was what you were going to ask, and it was what everyone needed to hear. And I am always pleased to bring into focus the fact that all of the justifications that all of you come up with for feeling guilty, for running from justice, for demeaning yourselves, for not embracing yourselves lovingly, I am always glad to illuminate the fact that there is no justification for any of it. And the sooner you let go of that the sooner you invalidate all of those activities, the sooner you will be free to be present where you are and pay attention with new eyes. And that will precipitate Awakening, because this element of curiosity that breaks down conceptual structures that have bound you, comes into play. But you will not dare to explore if you think that the ultimate result is that you will be pegged and nailed to the cross. We wonít even go into that.

____________________________

"Our Purpose is to glorify God!"

QUESTION: My question was, if everything in this universe was created by God and Is God, why did the ego come into existence? And why are we here? And whatís the purpose of our existence?

ANSWER: What is the purpose of our existence here? At times it is very difficult not to sound very trite; but it is only because the Truth is the Truth, and it manages to come forth and hang around and thus keep coming up. It is your purpose to glorify God. It is not your purpose to glorify the ego. And you glorify either God or the ego by embodying either God or the ego. And what governs which it is you are going to do is your choice: to identify with the body or to identify with awareness (to identify with form is another way of putting it) or to identify with Mind.

What I want to illuminate now is, that glorifying God does not mean becoming a holy person, it does not mean becoming celibate, it does not mean becoming different. It means being more Real right where you are. It means being more genuinely present.

When you are not covered with armor, when you are not highly defended then obviously you who had been under the armor are more genuinely present. And because you are not armed, because you are not defended and therefore obviously ready for either attack or defense others around you can feel safe enough to take off their armor.

You will find that as you glorify God you will be perceived to be a more humane individual or presenceóa more meaningful presenceóone in the presence of whom everyone will feel love, whether you even know theyíre there or not. Obviously, the more of you there are who are willing to be genuinely present and Real (and I mean Real in terms of your humanity) the more transformational change will occur on the face of your globe. Not just in the disappearance of violence and crime, etc., not just in greater harmony, but also and primarily in terms of mass revelationómass Awakening, mass insight. Because in the absence of the business and busyness of defense, the heart and the mind are freed up to re-engage the Soul.

What is your purpose? This is of course a question on everyoneís mind at one time or another. And always one thinks of it in terms of a career or a specific activity. Everyone feels as though itís necessary to get their purpose pegged so they may devote themselves to it entirely, and not spend time doing what is irrelevant. And the sense is that it is necessary to become anchored and definiteóon the target. What you donít realize is that itís not a stationary target. And so getting it pegged will not bring you to a point of relief where you donít have to think about it anymore. It truly isnít something specific.

Your purpose is to learn how to be so present and so in touch with yourselfóI mean present with everything, and so connected with yourselfóthat at any given moment you are able to be utterly appropriate. And so, you may in one moment be a counselor, and in another moment you may be engaged in something else. And each thing you do will be significant. Because in being in touch, in being congruent with the moment that you are in, means that nothing meaningless will occur.

Your purpose is to glorify god. In other words: to not claim any other presence, right where you are, than that which expresses the fatherís will.

Now your sense of yourself as an ego, and of yourself as having will-power and authority causes each of you to feel frightened of embodying the Fatherís Will, because if youíre not engaging yours, you're not in charge. And being in charge is part of your defenseóultimately, your defense against Awakeningóbecause you are afraid if you get into that place where Awakening can occur, the verdict of guilty will fall upon you permanently.

Instead of finding a purpose, a life purposeóthere we are on that linear extension in timeóinstead of looking for a life purpose, remember that your purpose is to be so present with others, present with what is going on with a curiosity to see the more of what is divinely there than you are seeing at the moment, that you become a transformational Presence just by virtue of simply being congruent in the moment, available in the moment. Thus every encounter becomes a Holy encounter.

I will tell you something: What you call religiousness is for the most part totally sacrilegious, because you equate other-worldliness with spirituality and religionóthe spiritual world and what youíre stuck withóthe material world. Again we have the polarization.

What is a Holy encounter? When I say that I am not speaking in religious termsóit is an encounter of Wholeness. And indeed the word "holy" and the word "whole" both come from the same root word. You all hang yourselves on your spirituality because you donít have a curiosityóbecause no one ever prompted you to think this wayóyou donít have a curiosity to see that these spiritual terms relate absolutely to the secular life. They werenít meant to separate what youíre experiencing from what is Real, but to help make what youíre experiencing more Realómeaning, in itís divine aspect.

Your purpose then is to be in that place where every encounter becomes a Holy encounter, an encounter of Wholenessónot an encounter of separateness and control. And when you are really present with, and when you are really not claiming an arrogant right to act on your own without sensing into everything so that you can be congruent with it, indeed when you are not holding yourself apart and when you are not trying to control things, then you can be available to the motivation felt within you and the energy necessary to act in the world in a manner that is fulfilling to you and fulfilling to everyone elseówhether it looks like being an accountant or a concert pianist or a mother or whatever.

And so, you will appear to be many things, but you will not use those things as a means of defining who you are. You will be experiencing the joy of being on the spot instead of being in the future as a result of calculating before you got there what you were going to be.

And so everything you do will feel fulfilling. And nothing that you do will say anything about you to you. It is an interesting experience. I will tell you that it is an experience in which there is no feeling of responsibilityóresponsibility that you could be held accountable for. And that in itself makes being appropriate a joyful thing. It makes being a meaningful presence in the world a joyful thing.

But you know what? Itís very unsatisfying for the ego because it canít take credit for anything. But therein lies your salvation, and therein lies your joy, and therein lies your peace.

So, for almost ten years Paul made himself available for private conversations between others and myself. He did not sacrifice himself; this was fulfillment of purpose for him. And there was great joy in what he was doing. And also during that period of time there were gatherings of this sort that took place. And although Paul knew he didnít create this job for himself and didnít feel responsible for it, there was, over this period of almost ten years a developing idea that just sort of percolated in quietly that this is what he would be forever doing. And in that sense he felt a little bit of security from the pattern of behavior that that had for nine and a half years.

And then last January I said to him: We are not going to do anymore private conversations because there is a need to get this material into printed form and into the places where people go who are looking for this kind of information. And there is also a need to do more public gatherings because there are more people who want to hear.

Well, it took him a bit by surprise. He didnít know his job description could change. And his confidence in itís stability got in the way of his being able to joyfully say, "Fine." He made no charge for the conversations, but that is an activity he had been engaged in and people did make contributions. And his ego came into play and said, "Well, if youíre not doing the conversations, people arenít going to have anything to be grateful for. And even though Raj knows what he is doing, your ship could sink."

And his thoughts caused him concern. He asked me, as a way to pin me down, how on earth we were going to reach more people in the gatherings if no new means or techniques were going to be used in setting them up? Because I had explained to him that, just as always, we would send out a brochure that would announce that gatherings would be happening in particular locations.

For six years, notices had been sent to everyone on the mailing list. And the groups were always an average of twenty-five to forty people, no matter how many people were on the mailing list. I told him watch and see. It did not satisfy him because he didnít want to have to trust. He said, "all right."

And I also assured him that all that was needed in order for this work to occur would be present, that it never had been there because of anything he had been doing. In other words, he hadnít been personally responsible for it and he didnít now need to think that maybe in some small way he had, and that things would change for the worse.

As you can see, this gathering is much larger than twenty-five or thirty people. And indeed, all of the gatherings since this change have been from two hundred to three hundred and fifty people. And Paul stands there and says, "I donít understand." And I tell him, you do not need to understand. You simply need to dare to be present with what is going on, and available to the moment. And then fulfillment of purpose occurs; fulfillment of purpose that Paul is not separate from (which he knows) but fulfillment of purpose that is not the result of his exercise of control of any kind.

What is your life purpose? You could say to be on purposeóon the mark. And the way for you to be on the mark is to be present with what is going on with curiosity. And a willingness to listen to know what is appropriate, rather than figuring it out. What I am saying is absolutely trueóitís not a relative statement of truthóit is absolutely true. Paul is not unique.

And so each one of you can dare to be present with what is going on with curiosity, and dare to listen so that you can be totally congruent with the Fatherís Will, which really is your will, except that you have developed a separated sense of yourself. And then being on purpose will occur. It will be obvious that there is purpose in your life that everyone can recognize and honor. And no matter what it is that you are doing at any given moment, you will have joy.

And as I said earlier, the more of you who are doing this the more it will precipitate Awakening right here with everyone on this planet.

______________________________

"Gargoyles"

From: Raj at Kingston, WA - August 27, 1995

ANSWER: Good afternoon. In one way or another all of you are reaching beyond whatever the norm is in your lives. You call it being on your spiritual path. You call it being religious. You call it by any number of names. Many of you are pursuing this because there is what you would call an unexplainable love of Godóeven though you cannot tell me what the word God meansóor an unreasonable and unexplainable valuing of that which is spiritual, that which is divine. Some of you, and more often than not this is the case generally speaking, one is religious, one is on their spiritual path because life is being experienced as difficult, rough, a hardship and you want relief. And so to put it in a nutshell, very often you are on your spiritual path to improve your life.

Now, most of you have an underlying feeling that suffering is illegitimate, that itís not your birthright and that you are bound to experience freedom from it. And this feeling comes from a deep knowing in youóit is a remembrance of the Truth. No matter what your reasons for being on your spiritual path, if I may put it this way, successfully being on your spiritual path is going to involve one thingótransformation! The Biblical injunction is: "Be ye transformed." And then it continues: "By the renewing of your mind." "Oh, I just wanted my life transformed. I just wanted my experience transformed. How involved do I have to get? How much does my mind have to change in order to experience an improvement in my life?" Well, you know what, Iím not going to answer that question. It doesnít matter how much itís going to have to change. It matters that you recognize that thatís where the changing is going to occur, and then let it occur, no matter how tiny the steps are that you take.

The reason for prayer, the reason for asking for guidance, the reason for reaching out to the Holy Spirit or God or whatever you feel the Prime Mover is, the reason for doing it is so that what is beyond your present mindsets might gain entrance into your awareness so that you have a means of escaping the bondage of your habitual thinkingóthe boundaries, the definitions that you are currently using to define everything. And you see the fact is that as long as you are relying upon your current definitions, your current understandings of things there is nothing new present. And so the re-newing of your mind canít occur. Prayer or asking your guides specifically for guidance is the means by which you create a weakness in the boundaries that you have established by means of your definitions, your confidences as to how things work and what they are. When you ask for help, you abandon a self-determined, self-responsible stance, which is the very thing that blocks the renewing of your mind.

One of the primary themes of A Course In Miracles is expressed in the words, "there is another way to look at this," and this, and this, and this, and that and the other thing. This is another way of weakening the definiteness of your definitions. It is the way that you become defenseless. And if you want you can spell fence, f-e-n-c-e... de-fence-less, boundary-less.

"Well, canít I just have an understanding of whatís right, of whatís appropriate, and still just be me? This renewing of my mind stuff sounds like I might have to change and experience myself differently. Thatís scarier than having a different understanding of somethingóstill being who I think I am and who I want to be." No, being on your spiritual path means allowing your experience of who you are to be transformed. And you know what? You can have no preconception of what the transformed you will be before you allow the transformation to begin!

Why am I saying this? Iím saying it because itís important for you to understand that Awakening, Enlightenment isnít an intellectual process, but it is a transformational process that begins at the very essential center of you and comes forth like the center of a flower that pushes the petals back and comes out into the foreground, showing the flower in its fullness. I chose that example because it truly expresses what transformation is about when you allow transformation that you cannot be in control of to occur.

Transformation does not mean you are going to be changed into something that someone else has decided you ought to be. Transformation is the process by which the essential divine you that you already are begins to emerge, coming forward into clear viewónot just to everyone else, but to yourself as well! You see? And so what will come forth is pre-ordained because you already are who you divinely are. You already are what you essentially and Really are, with a capital "R".

And so this abandonment of definite definitions as to what everything is and who you are does not make you subject to something beyond you that might control you. It makes you subject to the essential You, the divine You that you already Are but which you have forgotten you Are.

Now, what I am meaning to convey to you today about Awakening, Enlightenment and transformation is that it will not just be a new way of interpreting everything else, it will constitute real change in your experience of who you Are. Your behavior will change because your attitude will change. Your behavior will change because your experience of your unity with All That Is will be different, a different experience from the isolated, vulnerable, tiny sense of yourself that finds itself to be very uncomfortable and needing relief. And you see itís the relinquishment of your definite definitions, and it is the yielding into that which you are not in control over that seems to be fearful, seems to be risky, which is why no one voluntarily rushes into the experience. It is also the reason that most people engage in their spiritual path for the purpose of rearranging circumstances or improving conditions so that this fearful one, this isolated and vulnerable one might feel more safe without having to abandon that vulnerable sense of self. You see? But the change involves letting the essential you come forth onto center stage, as it were, like the center of the flower does, which is a new experience of who you Are.

Very often when one gets near this place of relinquishing control and yielding there is an uprising of fear. And it is because there is an abandonment of control that you are on the verge of activating, if I may put it that way. And one says, "Well, this canít have anything to do truly with Awakening. I must be on the wrong track, because fear wouldnít be present in a genuine experience of Awakening." And so I am making it clear to you that although it isnít an integral part of Awakening it is something that every one of you will likely not escape the experience of.

And if you understand that that fear is simply a fear of losing control when the fact is that control is not essential to your experience of fulfillment, you will dare to risk the chance that letting go of the fear provoked control will in fact allow the even more essential you that you really are to become illuminated and brought forth as an experience of invulnerability, as an experience of peace and as an experience of what Iím going to call grounded purpose. And I simply mean by that, a grounded experience of the impulse of life to express itself. In other words, fundamental motivation. Not motivation of the sort that you felt as a fearful, tiny entity, but the motivation of your essential being that is nothing other than the impulse of Creation that God is being, that you are not different from.

And so yes, because you are emerging from a well-fortified sense of tininess which is motivated by fear, you will find that fear aggravated as you dare to abandon it. And it is the abandonment that is the reason, it is the step needing to be taken that your spiritual path promotes, it is the stepping off the edge, as it were, that guidance is with you for the purpose of activating or impelling. Your limited thinking and your general defensiveness says that the taking of that leap, the yielding into the total absence of control is a suicidal act! It is absolutely insane! It is irresponsible! But it is lying!

All of your very definite definitions as to what everything is, and who you are and how everything works is like a crust, a spherical crust that has formed around your heart. I do not mean the organ in your bodyóyour Soul, your heart, you know what I mean, your innocence, your capacity to have trust without doubt. And that crust is experienced by you as your safety, your moat around your castle, your line of defense, that which saves you from destruction.

Your spiritual path no matter what itís approach, as well as your willingness to experience the influx of Spirit has only one goal. And that is to crumble, to undo the seeming integrity, structural integrity of that crust, so that your heart might be able to extend itself without running into the barrier of that crust. And so that it might connect with the heart of everything and everyone else without running into that crust.

The crust is constituted of your very definite definitions. And your very definite definitions are what you use to tell you who you are. And so if that crust of definite definitions as to who you are is going to crumble, why youíre going to have to let a new you come forth, or at least thatís the way it will seem. But remember that I pointed out that the only thing that can come forth is pre-ordained. Because there is only one thing that is underneath that crust and itís your heart. You see? Itís that which is Real about you that is not different from what God is and has always been.

And so, my point in bringing this up today is to reassure you that when you get to that point where fear arises because you know youíre moving into a place that your conditioned thinking tells you will make you extremely vulnerable, you can dare to continue forward the millimeter or two that it will take to get past the edge of your practice of control so that you can experience your heart, so that you can experience the love that you are, so that you can experience a new experience of you, indeed, a new experience of you that is in actuality the experience of who you anciently are, who you have always been. And you will sigh a sigh of relief because you will feel more like you than you have since you started this little adventure, this little excursion into self-will, into the experiment at having perceptions of your own of creation different from the Fatherís point of view.

So donít be so ready to step back from this place where fear arises in you. I know I get to be repetitious on this point, but I will say it again because it describes what Iím saying. As you get to the edge of the ego boundaries, no matter where along the boundary you come to the boundary you stand at the threshold to the Kingdom of Heaven. And so the boundary of your ego definitions of yourselves is covered, painted, illustrated if you will by the ego with gargoyles, scary figures. Why? Because the old sense of you is going to fail if you go beyond, the limited sense of yourself will crumble if you go beyond it.

So if you know that the gate to the Kingdom of Heaven are not Pearly gates but are gates with gargoyles around them to scare you back, to keep you away from moving across that threshold you will not say, "Oh, this must be the gate to hell. These arenít Pearly gates." Youíll say, "Ah, this must be the gate to the Kingdom of Heaven because this is the only place the ego would feel called upon to throw such a fright into me. This must be the place where the end of its existence will occur." And you will have the courage to move through the gargoyles and be transformed, be changed, be changed in a way that causes you to experience your integrity to the tips of your toes, rather than in your little finger or in what you define to be a fanciful thought.

So be aware that Awakening involves the transforming of your mind. And that when you get to the verge of the transformation you will experience fear and that this is a signal to you that you are at a place where the ego is feeling threatened. And the only time it feels threatened is when you are close to the discovery of who you divinely Are. And then take this as the justification for moving forward, rather than retreating. If you understand this you will not be thwarted in your reason for being on your spiritual path. Nor will you be discouraged by the idea that if what youíre doing is a result of guidance it wonít have at any time any vestiges of fear associated with it. I guarantee you that one who is providing you with an Enlightened divine perspective, which will inevitably undo the egoís limited perception of everything, the ego is going to say, "There is an enemy! There is an enemy! There is an enemy! Be on guard! Be on guard!" The alarm bells will go off and the ego will do everything it can to save you from what it sees to be the horror of being governed by God. This is inevitable!

Iím telling it to you straight so that you will not back off, and you will not abandon for a time your spiritual growth because it isnít what you thought it would be. I am saving you time by telling you where it will apparently not be easy when you had expected that perhaps it would be a piece of cake, because it was a divine process.

If you will remember that the Father did not banish you from the Kingdom of Heavenófrom your Right Mindóand that you abandoned your Right Mind by saying, "I would like to experiment with having different perspectives of Creation," then you will begin to understand that this one who stepped aside from the Fatherís perspective of Creation to create new perspectives, new perceptions, this one has to abandon itself. You see? The creator of perceptions has to abandon its stance as a creator of perceptions. You will understand why that sacrifice of identity will seem to be scary. But youíll also understand that that sense of identity as creator of perceptions is not who you truly are. And has constituted a limited experience of divine being, of your being the Son or Daughter of God, the off-spring, the direct expression, the presence of God manifest. You see? Which is the center of the flower which is going to come out as the transformation of your mind, the renewal of your mind occurs as you let your Right Mind emerge.

Now, we will take a break and when we return we will have a question and answer format. I wanted to take this time today to share this because very often in this question and answer format the questions have to do with rearranging the furniture, as it were, with how do I improve this situation or circumstance or how do I get out of the suffering that I am in. And I wanted to remind you that although I will answer those questions, my function is not just to help you have a better dream, and to remind you of what your spiritual path is really about, what Enlightenment and Awakening is really about, what coming back into your Right Mind is all about, and that IS what it is all about, not just the improving of "the human experience."

Lastly, the human experience is not useless or meaningless, it is the Kingdom of Heaven seen through a glass darkly. And so as the renewing of your mind occurs and as you come back into your Right Mind, the Kingdom of Heaven that you call the "human condition" will become obvious to you as the Kingdom of Heaven and therefore as an improved experience. If the human experience, the suffering, the pain, the sin, disease and death is a misperception of the Kingdom of Heaven, then the correction of it doesnít involve manipulating the misperception but healing the misperceiver. You see that? Of all of you coming back into your Right Mind by the renewing of your mind, because somewhere in you youíve said, "yes, I will let the essential me come forth and I will do it by ceasing to exercise absolute control over my experience."

__________________________________

From: Raj at Kingston, WA - July, 23 1995

QUESTION: This should be a real short answer. I have all the documentation necessary to remove myself from various government control. I tried to do this with a lot of peace and love in this, but the repercussions could be quite serious. But I guess the question is, is it appropriate?

ANSWER: The control does not serve you, sovereignty does. It is appropriate, yes.

QUESTION: (Laughing) Right on!

ANSWER: Your question brings up an interesting point that others can benefit from as well. The suggestion is that if you claim your sovereignty it can have consequences. The thought is, if you get off the fence it can have consequences. The thought is, if you yield and abandon the exercise of authority it can have consequences. And mind you the word consequence does not have a good meaning as it is being used here. The thought is, if you actually woke up, if you became fully enlightened it would have consequences. Mind you, the ego which is saying this never gives you specifics, it is just suggestions, "well, if you wake up you may ascend and never see your family again." "If you wake up you will be dysfunctional in the world." "If you wake up, people will be jealous of you and you will get the brunt of their jealousy." "If you get a divorce, how will you take care of yourself?" You will give up perhaps what little bit of a reasonable life you have. In other words, if you actually followed the intelligent guidance that comes at the deepest levels of your being you will have to pay for it. Itís like if you are guiltless you have a problem, but if you are guilty you are part of the crowd and you are safe. You see?

"Nobody likes a nice guy." "Nobody likes somebody whose Awake." "Nobody likes somebody whose really intelligent." "Nobody likes someone whose really sovereign." You see? However you donít like yourself when youíre not sovereign. You donít like yourself when youíre not Awake. You donít like yourself when youíre not expressing intelligence. So nobody is really in a rush to be too intelligent, or too Awake or too sovereign. And thatís the fact.

But do you know what? Anyone who takes small steps and incorporates intelligence and enlightenment that is experienced, and sovereignty, anyone who does not violate their integrity begins to feel less fear, begins to feel a capacity to be at peace with themselves. And as a result they begin to be more appropriate. And they donít stand out like a sore thumb. And they donít become the object of jealousy and attack.

Iíve told Paul a long time ago that as you get near the gates of Heaven the ego superimposes gargoyles all around the gate, implying that it is a fearful place to try to gain entrance to. And so when these arguments against sovereignty and against oneís integrity, and against oneís enlightenment and against oneís Awakening present themselves to you remember that it is just gargoyles attempting to scare you away. And I want you to ask yourselves, "why would the ego put gargoyles up?" Because youíre headed in the right direction. Thatís why! And that direction threatens the existence of your egoóyour sense of who you are, which isnít who you Really Are.

So as some of you have found out, and some of you will find out the process of Awakening, the actual Movement of coming Home involved violating the egoís rules, violating the egoís incursion of frightening images or frightening thoughts that say, "if you do assert or express integrity youíre going to pay for it." So you have to violate those and walk right through the images it presents. The consequences of intelligence are harmony and peace. The consequences of Awakening are finding that you fit into everything and everything fits into youóthat you belong, if you will. The consequence of sovereignty has no more co-dependence. The consequence of sovereignty is fearlessness. The consequence of sovereignty is that thereís no call to exercise power.

So Iím glad you asked that question.

QUESTION: Well knowing that you and my guide are with me will make this easier.

ANSWER: That is what I said in the beginning today, yes, yes, yes.

QUESTION: Thank you for being with us. The question that I have today is a difficult one for me. It involved divinity versus being human. And I have a son who is struggling with manic depression at the moment. And I donít know, he could be in a struggle for choosing to stay and live or not. And I need to know when I feel the pain of itÖam I allowed to feel the pain of it, because it seems to me that what youíre saying is if we relax into our own divine nature you donít feel that kind of thing. So the question is, is he struggling for his life? Am I being appropriate? And what do you do when you feel the pain and you donít think that youíre supposed to?

ANSWER: Well, to speak very practically, you will feel the pain whether you ought to or not until it has worn you out, until you discover that it is not having any real meaning, that it is not accomplishing anything except that it is debilitating you. You can save yourself grief by realizing that it is not going to change one thing. Ahhh, so then why does one indulge in it? Ahhh, itís because you canít do anything about it. You canít do anything about his struggle with life and you want to be able to. You want to be able to save him. You donít want him to hurt and you want to be able to be the reason he doesnít hurt. But you cannot be. And if you cannot be, then you are left with only feeling guilty or you are left with feeling innocent with no accompanying grief.

Everyone is struggling with life as long as they are not Awake. And no matter how much help any of you have had you have not done your growing until you said okay. And then when you said okay you may have used the teachings, or the wisdom or the friendships that have been shared with you as you take your growing steps. But each one of you is the only one who is responsible for letting the growth happen. Just as you are the only ones responsible for blocking it, resisting it, delaying it. I know, itís because youíre a mother. No itís not! Thatís just an excuse for justifying a belief that you ought to be able to be an affective presence in someone else's life.

You know, I know that you know that I have spoken before about what happens when you begin to listen, that you become a transformational presence. Iíve said that havenít I? (no one responds) Hello!

QUESTION: You have!

ANSWER: So now it sounds as though Iím saying you cannot be a transformational presence. Well, the only time you would be a transformational presence is when youíre not trying to be a transformational presence. But you are being the unfolding of what is happening as Paul is doing at this very moment, which you have no tiny personal responsibility for. This means that when you are being a transformational presence you are not engaged in outcomes. You cannot set the agenda as to what the outcome will be, what the particular transformation will be. You cannot say, "I am going to be a transformational presence for him or her."

You become a transformational presence because there is no exercise of control coming into play and the otherís have the space in which, for their reasons, to come to a realization that they are safe enough to let go of their cages that have provided them with a sense of structure and safety, but which have constituted a prison. But they are the oneís who give permission for the clarity. They are the oneís who say, "well, Iím going to try opening up the cage door and stepping out for awhile because I feel the confidence to do it." They will do it themselves, just as you take every step yourself when youíre ready, and you give the word no matter how much help there has been.

Mr. Thoreau expressed a great wisdom when he said, "If I knew for a fact that someone was coming to do me some good, I would run for my life for fear that some of their good would get done to me."

Your son, or anyone any of you care about, has divine integrity just as each one of you does, but those whom you care about are not any different from each of you. And they will take their steps in the way they say they will take them just as you do. What you must understand is that their integrity is God derived whether theyíre ignoring it or not. And you must entrust them to their integrity because thatís where the impulse of their being is coming from, not from you.

Now, Iím being very blunt, very clear and Iím not mincing words and I may sound as though I lack compassion. Shall I express a little bit of compassion and tell you to suffer, give you permission to feel grief, heartache, so that you may take an hour, a day, a month, a year to find out that youíre sick and tired of engaging in this activity; and no matter how much you associated it with being a mother or a caring person, youíve got to stop it because itís unprofitable? I wonít do it! I encourage you to grow up. And not be fooled into believing that youíre capable of fulfilling something that itís impossible for you to do and to realize the realization that you canít do it doesnít make you guilty. Itís your freedom from spending an hour, a day, a month or a year suffering needlessly in the name of love and motherhood.

I love you enough to put it to you straight.

QUESTION: I have two things to say. Can I give you a "yes, but?"

ANSWER: Of course.

QUESTION: Well one of them is Iíd like you to come live in my float home for awhile so you could enjoy the dynamics with me. And the other one is that thereís a point that Iíve come very close to this last Thursday where there was like an anger inside. And although it wasnít an anger it was just like a very strong sense inside that would hold me up and give me some relief and some freedom with the dynamics that were going on. And I chose not to experience that, but it chose to flow through and come out into a joyous life instead. What was that? Did I make the wrong choice?

ANSWER: Would you briefly restate the question?

QUESTION: There was a point at which I felt an anger rising in me. And it would have been an anger that would make me strong and be able not to feel the pain as I saw him struggle. And I chose not to experience that anger, but I chose to experience the joy instead. What was that? I mean did I make the wrong choice?

ANSWER: Very simply you stopped overriding your integrity. You stopped trying to do the impossible, and you felt your freedom. Very often when all of you feel anger and tend to criticize yourself as having gotten caught up in the ego and lost control, you are really feeling from the tips of your toes what is principled, not as a principle but as part of the substance of you. And the anger is your misinterpretation of your direct experience of your integrity.

That is what happened to you.